Las Aventuras de ChanclaMan: A Mock Heroic Adventure

"Pooh bear, are you going out this evening?"

"Yes, honey," I replied as I slipped on my black ninja oofas. My wraparound, 2+ reader enhanced sunglasses went over my eyes. It was a scorcher of an evening, the A/C struggling to keep the house cool at 75 degree. I couldn't imagine what the weather would be like outside. As I put my face mask on in the mirror, being sure to cultivate a masked avenger vibe, I reviewed my next steps.

Grabbing a trash bag, I heaved it through the garage to land near the wide opening. The door slid up with a crash and bang, and I crept through the semi-darkness of the garage towards the gaping maw of my garage. As the door into the house slipped closed beside me, I sensed preternatural movement, a scurrying that made the garage floor appear like a writhing sliver of darkness had dropped a tendril onto the hard concrete. I spun in place, grasping a chancla, my black oofa.


My adversary waved its tentacles, either begging for mercy or saying, "Come on, sucker, I can take you!" A thunderclap sounded as I swung my flat weapon with the strength borne of desperation as the dark tentacled knight leapt into action. A miss. We maneuvered in the twilight of the evening. One of us would not be going home. Or, at least, back to the couch (or under it).

Like a trio of jets breaking the sound barrier in close succession, my chancla struck at him with supersonic speed. One struck home, dazing it. As his tentacles quivered, I edged closer, limping. The battle had left me with only one piece of footwear.

I delivered the coup de grĂ¢ce, the killing blow that ended my adversary's misery but not embedding his exoskeleton into the firmament. A surgical strike, a mercy killing to a worthy opponent.

As I affixed my footwear, stumbling to continue my chores, I felt the adrenaline dissipating, a slight pain in my groin area. Had the bugger struck an unseen blow, or was it just the exertions of a man called to endure beyond normal? Only a back and body aspirin and time on the couch with a cup of hot tea would decide the question.


Everything posted on Miguel Guhlin's blogs/wikis are his personal opinion and do not necessarily represent the views of his employer(s) or its clients. Read Full Disclosure

Comments

doug0077 said…
You definitely need your own graphic novel.

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